“I will give it to your descendants. I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it.” Deuteronomy 34:4 As I have expressed to many, this is not my favorite season of life. Parenting a teenager in this day and age, is not for the faint of heart. Almost every time I ask my son to do something or implement a new rule, I am met with resistance. I desperately want to grab his face and look him in the eyes and remind him that in this life, I will forever be his biggest fan, and that I only want the best for him. Complete trust is the name of the game and yet my consistent teaching is met with a defiant independence and every effort to love him through whatever “it” may be, encounters more dejection. I continue to fight the good fight only to feel like I’m missing the finish line by a mile. And, at the end of the day, the mirror of truth reveals another lengthy list of how much more I need to work on as a leader.
Ironically, this is the same conversation the Holy Spirit has with me almost daily. Toiling 100 hours a week to realize the risk vs reward only makes sense when God Himself is ready to deliver it and standing in the gap for a family member whose time may never be and His provision of the if and when regardless, remains supreme for the journey. As this late-night hour turns into morning, another reminder prevails that no matter how far off my son abides and no matter how fast I run in his direction, it will only be the Lord’s nurturing work that pulls him out of the pig pen and into the linen robe.
Moses was faithful to the Lord. He did just about every single thing God commanded and was overly committed. He sacrificed and went without, led under fire, traversed the dark, fought battles of unbelief and even questioned his own sufficiency, all along trusting the timing and final outcome to the God of Mount Sinai. Yet when the hill was finally crested, and the view of the promise land lay beneath, a stark reminder held fast that his duty of preparing the way for another would be the final mission, leaving the dreams and aspirations dead in their tracks. I’m sure his frustrations were off the chart and I’m sure in the mirror of self-reflection he questioned his very existence, having come so close and yet still falling so short.
Life’s classroom remains great no matter how bleak the future may appear. It is completely relative and long-lives God’s ultimate say and grand design. May I also be overly committed and overly faithful to the Creator of life, the Name that is higher than any other name, to the end of my years, staying back and paving the way for another. Understanding that while this too may be my final assignment, having grown closer to Christ in the process endures as the only Promise Land I will ever want to reside in.
